It's been quite a Journey, I am 16 years in as a stay at home mom. Life has gotten so busy, sometimes it felt like time was going too fast, and sometimes it felt like time was not moving fast enough. If you are a stay at home mom, you now exactly what I'm talking about. It seems like my children has grown up so fast, they years has flown by. At the same time, the day to day work can become tedious and repetitive. The repetitiveness and not enough me time as left me thinking if this is all there is to life. Motherhood is blessing, but I am not going to lie it can be tiring. I have often admired moms who are able to work full-time and still be there for their children. How do they do it? Although, I was a working mom in the earlier years, I don't fully know if could have done that the entire time. I am sure that I could have done it if I had to. I am thankful that I had the choice to decide what I wanted to do. It was a blessing being their for my children, and being present to see all of their milestones.
Home Bound
I was a person who always had a job, I held at least two jobs while going to school full-time. That is not an easy thing to do as a college student but I was highly motivated. Upon graduating college, I got my first job as a substitute teacher. I worked as a substitute teacher for 3 years and I had my first child in my 2nd year of teaching. Shortly there after I had my second child, and made the decision to stay at home full time. It was a very hard adjustment for me, because I was use to being in control of my own finances. It was scary and nerve wrecking to put it lightly. I was also going through depression and work was a distraction for me, I was afraid that being home would enhance my depression. There were a lot of factors to consider when I decide to stay at home. I dove into it head first and took on all of the consequences that came with my decision.
Rusty And Dusty
Honestly, being home for so long was a blow to my self-esteem. I stopped doing everything that I loved to do and became a devoted care taker for my family. Previously, I enjoyed reading and talking about books with fellow English majors and readers. I also enjoyed, going to see plays of all kind, and visiting museums. I was absolutely obsessed with writing and listening to music. I had gotten to the point were I was in a slump and I was starved for intellectual conversation and the activities that I was accustomed to.
Identity Crisis
I was more than rusty, I was in an identity crisis. I did not keep up with the activities that I enjoyed, and I was not giving myself the self-care that I deserved. It had been ages since I dressed up and went anywhere. I was still wearing maternity clothes years after giving birth, and my brain was completely fried from not having any other adult to talk to all day. I was taking care of my family and loving on my family, but I forgot to love and care for myself. Many years had passed and I looked into the mirror and did not know who this person was.
A Familiar Reflection
I was in my early 30's when I decided go back to school for to enter the human services field. I felt like I was starting over again, I had a chance for ado over. It felt like old times learning an growing, I am like a sponge and I love to learn. I made it through the program and graduated with an 4.0 GPA, I was so proud of myself. After graduation, I began volunteering in my community. My life experiences and my love for volunteering, inspired me to start a support group in my community. Today, it's been 4 years since my support group has been hosted by a local hospital. I am making time for self care and I am feeling like myself again. I am writing a lot again and enjoying activities that brings me joy. I am learning that I can be a mom & wife and still be me. I have dreams and goals and I am excited for what the future holds.
MOMS YOUR DREAMS MATTER, GO FOR IT MOMMIES!!!
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